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Bobby Petrino and Sexual Exploitation

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300px-Arkansas_Coach_Bobby_Petrino Yesterday evening I was running an errand and listening to my local sports radio station, “The Ball.”  Jeff Long, Athletic Director for the Arkansas Razorbacks, was making a statement to the press about his decision to fire Coach Bobby Petrino.  Petrino has been on the rise in college football ranks and recently led the Razorbacks to the #5 spot in the nation.  He reportedly made $3.63 million annually and I would even favor his team as a dark horse to win the next BCS College Football National Championship.  It would seem that he had found his spot in the limelight and then…..crash…..a motorcycle accident, ironically on April Fool’s Day.

At first, the story was a single rider accident involving Coach Petrino.  As the cover unraveled over several days, it was revealed that the 51 year old coach had a 25 year old passenger along for his evening motorcycle ride….a female….recently employed by Petrino…..who had once received $20,000 from him (a sum previously undisclosed before the investigation)….with whom Petrino admitted an inappropriate relationship as the investigation got underway.  Petrino’s own family was complicit with the deceit as they released a statement soon after the accident affirming that it was a single person accident.  Further, an Arkansas State Trooper gave Petrino a head’s up before the police report went public….the report that would conflict with Petrino’s official statements denying the involvement of another individual.

One day after the press conference announcing Petrino’s release the public sentiment is definitely in favor of Jeff Long’s decision to fire the successful coach.  However, I predict that the spotlight will not remain on Petrino for long.  The details are too salacious to not investigate the young woman who was also involved.  She will be called a panther, a kitten, loose, needy, or just a whore.  People will believe this situation was blown way out of proportion, that Petrino has been unnecessarily maligned.  They will cite the fact that his family supported him, that the woman involved was old enough to make her own decisions, or that this was simply a private matter. Had there not been a lot of money involved or a prestigious football program this was much ado about nothing.  Petrino just fell in lust with the wrong woman.  He should have picked someone else for his affair.  In fact, as I write this blog it’s already happening.  Below is a sample from a sports website called sports mash up.  Link here for the full article.

As for Dorrell. Well she was supposed to get married soon which I assume will not happen. If Razorbacks fans are as crazy as most SEC loyalists she’ll probably shoulder the blame more than Petrino. Pretty sure she’ll end up having to leave the state. Maybe she could use that finance degree she mentioned in the video and cash in by writing a book or a better guess end up in some adult magazine.

Assessments such as the ones listed above are commonly made by uninformed people.  Contrary to the opinions that I predict will dominate the social media, this relationship is anything but consensual.  There is an unequal balance of power in this relationship that must be considered.  This is a clear case of sexual exploitation.  People in power: clergy, CEO’s, teachers, therapists, mentors, coaches, etc… have a responsibility to maintain ethical and appropriate boundaries over those for whom they provide leadership, counsel, or some other sort of direction. 

Often, those under the direction of a person deemed more powerful are unaware of the inappropriateness until it is too late.  That is why relationships of this nature can be so confusing and so damaging.  Whether an individual seeking guidance makes bad decisions or not, it is always the responsibility of the person in power if a sexual relationship develops.  It is not an affair; it is sexual exploitation.

So what do I mean by exploitation?  Most people do consider a relationship between two adults above the age of 18 as merely an affair.  But it is telling that nearly every sort of company, professional organization, church, or licensing board would prohibit such a relationship.  Why?  Because there is a tremendous sense of vulnerability that exists when a person shares a concern with one who has some real or perceived power over their life.

After working for many years with people who have found themselves in relationships that became sexual where a power differential exists, I can conclude wholeheartedly that some position of advantage is taken by the more powerful person whether there is a legal concern or not.  More often than not this leads to difficult if not severe life consequences.  I have heard people say things like this too many times. “I don’t think I had much choice really. I was so chaotic and in deep personal trouble…I was a mess.  I didn’t need this but I could not get out of it.” 

An exploitive person is very often skilled at meeting your personal and emotional needs but then gradually comes to sexualize the relationship.  That is always wrong!!  And whether or not you believe exploitation is occurring, it is.  I bet Ms. Dorrell didn’t think she was being exploited until April Fools Day.  So, what are some signs this may be occurring?

  • sexual comments about your appearance, body, or life
  • an inappropriate interest in your sexual life
  • flirting
  • inappropriate touch
  • requests that the relationship be moved to a social context, such as going out to lunch
  • seeing you late at night when no one else is around
  • discussing their own personal problems
  • encouraging your dependence upon them
  • phoning you at home to chat
  • touches which feel uncomfortable or confusing
  • personal gifts
  • attempts to destabilize your existing relationships
  • suggesting that God is bringing you together

More importantly, what can be done to take better care of yourself if you believe someone may be seeking to exploit you?

  • tell someone, a trusted and safe friend, a counselor, a parent, a minister (not every “powerful” person in your life is an exploitive person)
  • record precisely what has happened (when, where, who you might have told, who may have observed this)
  • keep all correspondence sent by this person to you
  • send their calls to voice mail
  • don’t retaliate but seek support from safe people
  • you may even need to be away for a while to regroup; just don’t divorce yourself from the people who really do care about you.
  • most of all don’t believe a sexually exploitive person when they tell you if you do any of the above things to take care of yourself that you will be doing harm to others.  They are responsible for the harm being done.

Sexual exploitation is a serious problem in our culture and it is not helped by the perception that people like Ms. Dorrell are just “gold-diggers”  She was played and she is going to need a lot of support to even arrive at that reality.  Keep the focus where it belongs in this situation and those like it.  What Coach Petrino has done has compromised the safety of many people; people for whom he was charged with their personal development and growth. 

Eric Greer, MS LMFT


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